Faith Nudge

Last week I gave God a little up-date on what’s been going on. Yeah, I know. God knows everything. But sometimes I forget that, and start thinking I’m in charge.

Nearing the end of the Spring Semester, there is a glitch on the launching pad. With four classes to take this summer before finishing, I wasn’t sure how it was going to happen. You know…money-wise. Which gave me a slight panicky feeling in the pit.

So, I  remind God. About, you know. Money. And then I ask myself a few questions. As far as I know, am I on the right path? Am I doing everything I believe I should be doing? Yes and yes.

So I sat on my back porch, took a few deep breaths, admired the pines in the dusky light, listened to the birds, and remembered a conversation I had with my sister a few months ago.

Jeannie: You know—long pause—I used to worry a lot about you. About how you’d manage after the divorce.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Jeannie: Even when you told me not to worry. That God always puts the next lily pad in front of you when you need it. I thought you were crazy, you know.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Jeannie: But I don’t think that anymore. Because it’s been seven years, and you’re still okay.

Me: Yeah, I know.

So the slow breaths become more relaxed; the peace returns. And I thank God, again, for the reminder.

“I don’t know how this is going to work. But You do. And I am not worried.”

Two days later, a call came out of the blue—and the next plump lily pad landed right where I needed one.

Then I did a little leg work on something I’d forgotten about—and an even bigger lily pad popped up.

The “blue-meanies” still come knocking, building walls of doubt that make me afraid I’m not smart enough, good enough, talented enough, brave enough, to acomplish my goal: to write the book I’ve been thinking about for five years.

Then I remember the lily pads: the faith nudges. And doubt disappears like smoke.

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8 thoughts on “Faith Nudge

  1. rogueme says:

    A great lesson for any writer. Most, if not all, the writers I speak with have their personal version of this blog. I know I do. Somehow, so many of us, myself included, feel we’re the only ones feeling this way. Oh yes, intellectually we may know better, but emotionally, most all of us live in the same boat.

    We question everything from our finances (easy target) to our talent level (painful target). This blog is great. You personalize it to where others can identify, and you remind us that we share a bond of writerhood. This lifts me up, simply knowing I am not alone. Thank you for a great post!

  2. KM Huber says:

    Oh, Deb, great post! Loved the dialogue, especially your lines…. Am sure you know that Wayne Dyer calls the ego “Edging God Out”; those words finally started putting my ego in its place.

    Good for you for being so close to finishing your degree. Clearly, you “know” your path.

    Karen

    • deb reilly says:

      Hi Karen! I love Wayne Dyer. The first time I heard him speak was during one of those PBS fund drives. He made such an impact on me that (even though I had little disposable cash), I made a donation.

      Ego surely does do its best to edge God out.

      Deb

  3. soulivin says:

    It’s one step at a time for all of us too Deb. We need to remember that just because we had to do it ALL at times, and it may have even turned out fine, that those adrenaline inspired times are not the lifestyle that all of us need to continue with, or choose to live as. Take it as it comes.Split each chore into two if you must. ENJOY the ride, even if you have to relearn how to do that or even if it’s a fresh way of experiencing the first time… Incomplete, or unwritten books, stories, expressions on my back burner for well over ten years now,I am finding to be my lessons, still not yet fully learned .
    After you finish school, which is HUGE, there will be time to sink into all of those things.
    I wonder why I fail at some things and I find that it is because I need to save myself! Being grateful to enjoy the ride and remember how to tackle it all in a manner that I choose and is not thrust upon me anymore. You are in charge, you are the queen of your own life, along with God, and while God is indeed, in control, we still are responsible for managing our life to a certain extent. taking it slow and smelling the roses has been the most difficult thing I have had to learn an have to remind my self of all the time, but it has been, so far, the most rewarding of all, this living in the moment stuff is definitely for me. Give yourself this as much as you can allow. xox

    • deb reilly says:

      Thanks, Smartie! “You Are the Queen of Your Own Life” is replacing a GRE vocab index card on my bathroom mirror. 🙂

      And a great big congratulations to you!
      xo

  4. Sometimes it’s the little answers: the soft, unexpected breeze; the unusual melody of a bird…or a lily pad. Whatever form it takes, it’s real and reminds us of its realness.
    Thanks you for the reminder.

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